The Mega list of every clean horse joke out there!!!
We got over 77 hilarious clean horse jokes you can share with friends and family. These jokes are safe for kids of all ages! Did you love our dog jokes? Then stop horsing around and read some of these hilarious Horse Jokes! Tell em to your friend and family today!
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse replies, “Buddy—you read my mind!”
Q: Why did the pony have to gargle?
A: Because it was a little horse!
Q: What do race horses eat?
A: Fast Food.
A cowboy buys a horse from the town pastor. The pastor explains, "to make the horse go, you gotta yell, 'Thank God!' And to make it stop, yell, 'Hallelujah.’” The cowboy rides off. He rides all day and starts to nod off in the saddle when he notices he is about to ride straight over a cliff. Searching his memory, he yells to the horse, "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!" The horse grinds to a stop just at the edge of the cliff. The cowboy wipes the sweat off his forehead. ”Phew!” the cowboy sighs. “Thank God!"
Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A: Your neigh-bor!
Q: Why did the horse cross the road?
A: Because somebody shouted hay!
Q: When does a horse talk?
A: Only whinney wants to!
Q: What do you call a scary horse in the dark?
A: A nightmare!
Q: What disease was the horse scared of getting?
A: Hay fever!
Q: What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
A: Macintosh Apples!
Q: What do you call a horse that can't lose a race?
A: Sherbet
Q: Why do horses like to fart when they buck?
A: Because they can't achieve full horse power without gas.
Q: How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?
A: His horse's name was Friday!
Q: Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude?
A: She always said Neigh
funny bad horse jokes puns riddles for kids
Q. Where do horses go when they're sick?
A. The horsepital.
Q: How long should a horse's legs be?
A: Long enough to reach the ground
Q: What do you call a story about a runaway horse?
A: A tale of WHOA!
Q: What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds?
A: A zebra!
Q: What street do horses live on?
A: Mane St.
Q: When do vampires like horse racing?
A: When it's neck and neck.
Q: What did the momma say to the foal?
A: Its pasture your bedtime
Q: What did the waiter say to the horse?
A: I can't take your order. That's not my stable.
Q: What's the quickest way to mail a little horse?
A: Use the Pony Express.
Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
A: The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.
Q: How do you make a small fortune in the horse industry?
A: Start with a large fortune.
Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz
Q: How does a horse from Kentucky greet another horse?
A: With Southern Horspitality!
Q: Where do horses get their hair done?
A: Maine.
Q: How do you know when a pony is sick?
A: ITS A LITTLE HOARSE.
Q: Which side of the horse has the most hair?
A: The outside!
Q: When does the person living next to you get annoying?
A: When he is NEIGH-BORED.
Q: What do you call a boy named Ryder who likes to ride a horses back?
A: HORSE BACK RYDER.
Q: Why did the man stand behind the horse?
A: He was hoping to get a kick out of it
Q: What is a horses favorite state?
A: Neighbraska.
Q: Where do you put 2 horses that just broken up?
A: In the pasture
Q: What do you call a well balanced horse?
A: Stable.
Q: What kind of horses go out after dusk?
A: Nightmares!
Q: Why did the horse cross the road?
A: Because it wanted to see its neighbers!
Q: What do you call a noisy horse?
A: A herd animal.
Q: How do you get a horse drunk?
A: Drink him under the stable.
Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized because he swallowed six plastic horses?
The doctor described his condition as stable.
A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”
Q: Why are most horses in shape?
A: Because they are on a stable diet.
Q: What did the horse say when it fell?
A: "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde water-polo player?
A: His horse drowned
Q: What did the teacher say when the horse walked into her class?
A: "Why the long face?"
Q: How do you make a small fortune on horse racing?
A: Start with a large fortune.
Q: What is a young Colts favorite sport?
A: Stable Tennis.
Q: How does a winning jockey communicate with his horse?
A: He lays his cards on the stable.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic
Q: What do you ask a sad horse?
A: "Why the long face?"
Q: What do you call a baby donkey?
A: A burrito!
Q: What did the mare tell her filly after dinner?
A: Clear the Stable.
Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A: A neigh-bor!
Q: What kind of horse likes to be ridden at night?
A: A nightmare!
A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse. “I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
Q: What is a horses favorite song?
A: Watch Me (Whip / Neigh Neigh)
Q: Where do horses go when they're sick?
A: The horsepital!
Q: Where do horses shop?
A: Old Neigh-vy!
Q: Did you know that Mister Ed's real name was Bamboo Harvester?
A: Yeah, I got it straight from the horses mouth.
Q: Why did the skinny dog start eating hay?
A: The doctor told him to gain weight, he needed to eat like a horse!
Q: Why don't racehorses wear underwear?
A: Because it rides up on them!
Q: Why did the horse eat with its mouth open?
A: Because it had bad stable manners!
Q: How does a cowboy get a stallion to do odd jobs around the farm?
A: Pay him under the stable.
Q: What kind of bread does a horse eat?
A: Thoroughbred
Q: What is black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A zebra.
Q: What did the horse say when it fell?
A: I've fallen and I can't giddyup!
Q: What did the professor say when a horse walked into his class?
A: Why the long face!
Q: Why was the horse naked?
A: Because the jockey fell off.
Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?
A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
Q: How do you get a wild horse to accept a halter?
A: You turn the stables on him.
A horse sits down in a movie theater and the woman next to him asks, "Excuse me… are you a horse?” "Why yes, I am," replies the horse. "What are you doing at this movie?"
The horse says, “I really liked the book."
Q: A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible?
A: The horse's name was Friday.
Q: What animal can you always rely on?
A: Horses, cause their always stabled!
I call my son Seabiscuit because all he does is horse around.
The pony went to the doctor and said "I have a sore throat." The doctor said "It's okay your just a little horse."
Q: You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe right beside you, and a lion nipping at your heels. What do you do?
A: Get off the carousel and take a nap!
A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The Desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the Desperado bellows to the terrified crowd, “and if my horse ain’t back where I left him when I’m done, I’ll do here what I had to do in Houston.” The locals murmur uneasily as the Desperado sips his drink. Lucky for them all, when he steps outside again his horse has been returned. As the Desperado saddles up, a local can’t help but ask, “Sir, what exactly was it you had to do in Houston?” The Desperado narrows his eyes and hisses at the man, “I had to walk home.”